Friday, January 28, 2005
today has been quite a bad day! sigh... Sonn's leaving on thurs nite and i won't be sending her off cos her flight's at 10 pm and we've got geog and A Math CA the nxt day.Sze, Val, Eve, Uni, and Nirasha happily went off for recess at mikey's and left me alone,together with al and sherry. i couldn't find nicole i think she went there too. hmph.i wld have gone there if it wasn't for the fact that i was super pissed with the whole grp of ill-bred, self-centred ppl who cut queue and then each one of them buy food for ten ppl!
yesterday i was happily queueing (how do u spell it?my brain cells has lessened by 20% due to stress) at mikey's at 10.40 the start of recess. then came this whole hgrp of damn irritating ppl who were cutting queue.what do i do? stand there.was fuming mad. tried to do sth. but the freakin ppl did not want to listen. they think " one prefect will be awfully outnumbered by the many of us so let's just pretend that she's not there" one stoopid idiot girl started arguing with me...stupid retainee. u shld be ashamed of urself and not be so full of urself.go to hell mann. and then there was mabelene and beitris who were cutting queue. i told mae cos she was near to me to get out of the queue and she started complaining that beitris was doing it too, so why did i have to ask her to get out of the queue? i told her that the rest will be asked to get out too and that she can be the first. she of course did not want to move and decided to ignore me. she was prob sceptical of me, thinking "no one will listen ne way so why lose face and listen to her?"shit man! shalom, sheryl tan (Shalene's first love*cough*) , toadd, jill and the rest of their clique was there.there were about ten of them altogether! blardy hell !
i stood there looking like an idiot for half an hour before i finally got my food! and to think that i was there early! i was so angry i started shouting and was making quite a scene but i don't give a damn! after i got my food, i stayed away from crowds. and like the day before i walked out of the queue cos the same ppl were cutting queue. and surprise surprise, i din eat.
ok...back to today.sorry couldn't help but bitch about other ppl. i need to let it all out.oh yea. i am gg for the surgery for my blardy toe in like february? sigh earlier than expected. i hate it. so scared. sigh if i go at that time then i'll miss carnival. can't get my CCA pts then. but i'll get to go to perth with a healed toe at least. oh did i say?? i'm gg to perth for the geog trip! my mum let me go! :) :) that's the only happy thing arnd here. i've gotta do NYAA and lots of other stuff! i am so damn stressed! argh! i have passed the stage of dying and i am now in the decomposing stage. no surprise. i wanted to step on the mercury today so that i could die of mercury poisoning. hey it's a painless way to die! so why not? heaven's such a promising place!(tht is if i am gg there)
did i mention tht i cried today?? seriously i think i am really PMS-ing. al sherry and i were just walking from the canteen today and we were talking bout sonn, then al just had to bring up the fact that after june gill, Nicole and sonn will be gone. i mean it's alr bad anough that prem is in VJC and all. so i dunno why but i just started crying then al was like OMG! sorry mel i shldn't have said that! ok we'll go to the toilet... then after a sec i stopped. strange huh? i suppose it was cos i started thinking bout what school life would be like w/o them and i started getting all lonely.
they are the majorly fun ppl, the ppl that i'm close to and they are leaving! what are the rest of us gg to do? sit there and rot? i noe it's not that val sze and Eve are not fun, but things will be SO different. i gotta treasure my last few mths with them. how sad is that? sigh...i feel so alienated now... and i have got no one to talk to...how can i talk to the others when the keep gg to st mike's while i'm at raphael's and recess is the only time that i can speak to them?
school load has been really heavy...as i said i am decomposing.i have totally no rest at all. i haven't sleep well ever since sch started. sigh...that's why my brain has malfunctioned. and it refuses to work....inertia (sorry that's physics...oh well) ne way u get my point. i am lonely, empty and feeling damn crappy. i just feel like giving up alr. but everyone noes that no matter how i feel like giving up i just won't and i can't...cos i need to carry on,even if it means that i drop dead. oh well i'd better go...got lot's of work to do.sigh. not lookin forward to classes ne more. my happiness has always been the iron mask over my true feelings i just never really do show them. haha and ppl think that i am always happy. yeah rite.
I whispered
at 10:04 PM
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MELISSALAW
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