Thursday, January 18, 2007
It's over. I guess this was what I wanted: a closure to things, so that I could move on. But I wonder, maybe what Uni said is true. After some time you'll think that wanting to remain as friends after was a stupid idea. But then again, we're not even talking now. I see him in school and all I wanna do is run away. I guess I've not exactly come to terms with it? Or I'm just not ready to face him now. I don't know how to react. I don't want to sound like some weakling but yeah we did have some fun times. I can't forget them at the moment but I must say that I've been getting along rather fine these few days ever since tuesday.
Much thanks to JULIAN (MY DA GE) and 08S07B! THE BESTEST MOST FUNNEST CLASS! We've been having so much fun and being with them takes my mind off things. I mean Julian probably doesn't even know what happened, but hanging out with him is just totally fun. I can laugh at his forgetfulness and his state of oblivion on certain occasions, laugh at my class guys who are damn 'gay'! (they actually joined their hands to form a heart while taking class pics, which we do everyday) But it's all in good fun. And they've unknowingly helped me to forget things, preoccupy myself. HAHA 'playing games' with Julian at the library (which is mugging really, just that he doesn't want our class to think we're like MUGGERS), has been so enjoyable. I get work done and have fun at the same time! We help each other, and that's the beauty of this whole system. He's like some math pro, even though he denies it.
Yes he's like my closest friend in school/class now, and my class has started teasing us. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED. Yi-Lin refers to him as 'MY JULIAN' -.- please la. Hiok Chiou gives us this extremely cheeky face (which I never thought he was capable of, until recently) everytime I talk to Julian. The rest of the class probably thinks that we're together. EVEN the chem relief teacher saw us yesterday and thought we were together. ERR? Julian and I laugh about it telling everyone: HELLO? We can't have feelings for a sibling, it's like....INCEST! HILARIOUS I TELL YOU. We both mug together because we're one of the few non-raffles people, so we've got lots of catching up to do and we motivate each other, not because of anything else!
ANYWAY, I got into track too. PROBLEM NUMBER TWO. NETBALL OR TRACK? Track trainings for sprinters = mon, wed, fri. Netball trainings = tues, thurs, sat. IF BOTH = MON TO SAT. PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE AND TOO TIME CONSUMING. I've got to make a choice. SOON. PRONTO. Only 12+4 out of 22 people can represent school for netball, but I think in track nationals next year I'll stand quite a high chance of representing school? Mr Yeo the coach said that training for this year's nationals is quite too late. Gotta be in the team by May apparently. Netball season ends in the END of MAY. >.< I LIKE SPRINTING PLUS I LOVE NETBALL TOO. IF only I had Hermione's time turner. OOH, so tempting!
OKIE POKIES, MELLIE GOTTA SLEEP SOON. Totally tired out after trainings and all. CIAO! (:
Thanks to all who've been so concerned about me, helping me with this situation: CLARE, JESS, MARIE, SAM, RECA, ANABEL, ELAINE, STEFFI (MY DA JIE!), NICOLEY WOLEY, EUNICE, EVEN HENRY AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAVE HELPED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. THE CHAPTER HAS FINALLY ENDED AND IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT NOVEL YES? THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. I LOVE YOU GUYS TRUCKLOADS!
I ASK FOR THE GRACE TO TRUST MYSELF TOTALLY TO GOD'S LOVE
I whispered
at 10:57 PM
Saturday, January 13, 2007
I can't sign in to messenger and it's already eleven plus now. I really need to get so many things off my chest, but it's difficult to find someone to tell it all to. I've probably lamented to about almost ten people this week and I don't think I should trouble others further. I mean, everyone has their own problems! SO, once again I'm back to blogging just so that I can complain and ramble.
The more time passes, the more I've come to realise how much things have changed. How hostile you've become, how you've been avoiding certain issues, how you've been avoiding me I guess. I really wonder how things have gotten to this stage. Is it my fault? Or is that just that you've moved on. BUT what I'm most disappointed with, is that you're not telling me anything. Just tell me what you have to, hurt me and leave me alone. At least it won't prolong my suffering any further. You probably think that by not telling me anything I won't realise it. HOW NAIVE CAN YOU GET? I've felt it ever since the beginning and I know thing's aren't right now. It really feels like I'm the only dumb one holding on now. Like I'm the only one involved. You've stopped caring, so stop trying to act like you still do. THERE'S A VERY STARK DIFFERENCE, that even a baby can tell the difference. I'm just glad, glad that I didn't go to RJ for your sake. Glad that I'm happy in RJ and that it has nothing to do with you. Glad that I don't regret going there at all.
The stupid blinking thing now is that, on top of losing someone really special to me, I'm losing my best friend too. The person that I could always tell everything to, without having to worry that you'll judge me. And it's plain dumb that I remember everything single word that you've told me, everything little thing you did that made me smile when instead it makes me cringe inside now when I think about it. And I know that now when everything's over I'll hate it, because I'll still feel like I need to tell you my problems, like I've done for the past year that I've known you. It's so ironic that the person who used to tell me that you want to make me the happiest person in the world, happens to be the one who ruins all my would've been perfect days this whole week.
Josh is right, all I want to do now is to ask you one extremely simple question: WHY. If you told me that you've moved on, I'll accept it understandingly. That I promise. But now that you're not telling me anything, you've got me guessing and everything that comes to mind now isn't exactly the most beautiful thoughts. SO JUST END MY MISERY NOW, before guilt becomes too overpowering for you everytime I tell you that I miss you. I wish that I can take this headstrong, but hurt and anger prevents me from doing so now. Why does it seem like I'm such a dumb fool? Everytime I wanna tell you that I need to talk to you, you just seem so carefree and it makes me soft hearted all over again. I've got to form my resolve.
IF ONLY. IF ONLY, we had remained as friends, if only you hadn't said a thing. IF ONLY...I hadn't gone away. Would that have made a difference? Maybe you should just cheat on me and make things a lot easier for me to hate you, for me to put an end to everything. I'm caught in a dilemma, cause I'm not sure if I'm over reacting. It would then be a waste to end it, yet I'm convinced that you're keeping your lips sealed about this whole thing. Perhaps you're ashamed? What else would I expect from someone who doesn't even talk to me in school and claims to be too busy to talk to me. WHAT A LAME EXCUSE, I SAY. Be brave and admit it like a man. Or it might just seem that you're the one at fault here and that your conscience is bugging you. You told me that you'll never lie to me. I'd just like to know how many times you've lied to me recently, just for the record. Just to tell you for use in the future, don't promise when you're not sure if you can keep it. Stop breaking people's hearts with your sweet words that mean nothing in the end.
I whispered
at 11:27 PM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
YAY MY CLASS ROCKS! We're probably the most fun class in the level! We had a 08S07B class lunch today at wheelock's FISH AND CO. (: It was delicious but expensive according to my standards. I mean, we pay 15% extra! LOL, lunch cost $301.55 for the 21 of us (since three had TSD auditions and Vinod had scouts thingy to attend) It was great fun! I've seriously never heard of a class that plays murderer during lunch and actually asked a waitress to tap the murderers! -grins. I'm aware that we have a reputation of having all the delinquents and being rowdy, but I hope that we'll be able to do well regardless. PLAYING HARD AND STUDYING HARD is how I like it. Frankly speaking, I've never once been in a class that has a reputation of being one of the naughtiest classes. I shall take it as a new experience and we'll see how it goes!
I spent time in school today until 7+, waiting for my parents at the foyer since it was pouring outside. I rushed back to RJ for training (after yummy lunch) which was at four and had physical training. TSK, not that bad as expected but I'm sure I'll still ache tomorrow. *grumbles* THEN, I STAYED WITH MY CLASS PLAYING GAMES AND TALKING ABOUT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR! It's been such a long time since I've laughed so much. HAHA. I really feel that the class has become closer after today and I've gotten to know so many people better. (: YAY. I REALLY HOPE WE DON'T GET RESHUFFLED! It'll be really tragic, after all our effort in getting to know each other better. EESH, I'm really sleepy so I shall go sleep now, before tomorrow's lectures! ECONS CHEM AND CIVICS (HAHA). I haven't had the time to read through lecture notes yet, I'm gonna be sooo lost tomorrow! >.< wish me luck! HEE.
I whispered
at 9:31 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007
I just came back from DAISY TAN NETBALL CARNIVAL (round 1). Ok fine it ended at around 6 and I had dinner (a VERY YUMMY ONE IN FACT) at the SHANGRI-LA's "THE LINE". I totally recommend it by the way. Of course you would financial back-up when you dine there. It's a buffet styled thing that claims to have international cuisines, so go try it one day. Anyway my family went there to celebrate my DAD'S birthday. He turns 51 today. SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY (:
Ok so I got to Kallang Netball Centre at 12.40 today. I'm super tired out, after all the orientation and training and playing. SO I'll be going to bed immediately after this. To tell the truth I was quite disappointed that I played so few games today. And for the first time in don't-know-how-many years, I had to take score! TO BEGIN, I HAD TO ASK HOW TO DO IT. Shows that I NEVER had to do it before considering that I was always in main seven, unlike today of course. So I was in the shade half the time and I don't think I got much of a tan. (GREAT HUH) Well I wasn't disappointed that I played WD instead of GS since I just enjoy playing anyway. But I did play GA for half a game. I totally understand that SI LEI is a much better shooter and they have really good players. I just really really hope that I'll make it into the team. Yeah we made it into round two, so we'll be playing the five other teams that made it again on the 28th. I must admit that HWA CHONG is good. LIKE DUH. But we didn't really lose by very much. 12-6, could've been much worse really. I mean at least we didn't get thrashed! OH YES, MY STUPID SHOE GAVE WAY TODAY. RIGHT AFTER WARM UP WHEN WE WERE DOING PASSES, JUST BEFORE OUR FIRST GAME. How very unlucky.
TOMORROW, I'll be walking around/playing war games in my spoilt shoe, since I came home too late to get a new shoe. -grumbles. WHICH REMINDS ME, BUCKLE BUCKLEY BETER WIN TOMORROW! Just to continue being the defending champions, and especially to prove a certain someone wrong. *sticks tongue out* BB IS NOT A LOUSY HOUSE OK. I LOVE BB *beams*
I SHALL JUST TALK ABOUT ORIENTATION SO FAR, IN A NUTSHELL. ( A SMALL ONE AGAIN?)
1. I'm in BB05, AKA CH'NOVO. OGLs are WENHAO AND CHAY LING.
2. RJ HAS ABOUT 1000 PEOPLE IN J1. OMG
3.Many people I know are in BB. (: YAY
4. Michelle Teo and I are in the same OG *phew* AND SHE'S MY DANCE PARTNER *laughs hysterically* BY LUCK. BUT I'M THE GUY! *CRIES*
5. MY OG WON THE ZONE CHAMPION FOR RAFFLES BITE RACE, CHINATOWN. DOUBLE YAY.
6. MY CLASS IS 08S07B. TAKING HCME. 25 students. 16 girls, 9 guys. (HAHA) Mostly RI and RG people. WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?
7. OMG OMG OMG, THE WHOLE PLACE IS SWARMING WITH GENIUS CALIBRED PEOPLE! AND I THOUGHT IT'S DIFFICULT TO STAND OUT IN IJ. RJ WILL BE MUCH MUCH MUCH WORSE.
8. TOMORROW'S THE LAST DAY OF ORIENTATION. O'NIGHT! (:
9. I'm so exhausted, I bet I'm able to sleep at 8 every night until I've recuperated from the 'Post orientation syndrome' LOL
10. LIKE I SAID, I'm exhausted so I can't think about what I wanted to say at point 10. *apologises profusely*
I GUESS IT'S BEDTIME! LOL, TATA! EEYER I'M DEHYDRATED. >.< ANYWAY, OVERALL I'M LIKING RJ. I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE I CAN STAY!
It's become so complicated, it's scary. I don't know what to do/say/feel anymore. I need guidance. MAYBE GOD WILL SHOW ME THE WAY? You've changed so much since last year. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?
I whispered
at 10:42 PM
ABOUT ME!
MELISSALAW
260690
IJ KELLOCK
IJ TP
RAFFLES JUNIOR COLLEGE
IJ STUDENT COUNCILLOR/PREFECT
1/1 '03
2/1 '04
3/2 '05
4/2 '06
IJTPNETBALLCLUB'03-'06 <333
RED HOUSE!
08S07B! <3!
BUCKLE BUCKLEY - CH'NOVO
Raffles netball!
Raffles track and field - SPRINTS!
<3
*netball!!
*IJ TP! <333
*Japanese Anime
*Manga
*SHOPPING!!
*my friends <33
I WISH I WISH...
*BE A BETTER PERSON/FRIEND
*GET CLOSER TO GOD (:
*REVAMP MY WARDROBE!